Sexy should not be in your resume

We are currently hiring to fill various positions in the Pad & Quill workshops. After reviewing a few hundred e-applications I have the following advice to offer young applicants:
Dear Job Applicants,
Please refrain from sending me cover emails that begin with "yo, I'd like this job", or "Hey, call me about this position" etc. Please create an email for yourself that includes your first and last name and not your social media "handle" or email such as "mr.sexypants.mpls@seriously?.com" and please, for the love of god, consult with a resume writer so that you don't include lines such as, "I was a line cook and stuff like that" under employment history.
Regards,
Mrs. PQ
If your professional correspondence contains the word “sexy” in any capacity, you are probably not a candidate to purchase our new Valet Luxury Sleeve for MacBook.
If you believe Zumbaz and your favorite 80’s concert t-shirt is perfectly acceptable attire for “casual Friday”, there’s a chance you will not fully appreciate the supple, full grain leather of the Oxford Luxury Case for iPad Air.
If you still own and readily admit that you possess a “snakeskin” jacket, the hand-hammered copper rivets on our new Attache leather bag might be lost on you.
If Boonehill wine is still your go to on a date night, there’s a chance you won’t be impressed by our parachute grade thread that stitches our Valet Luxury Sleeve together.
Having blown past your 25th high school reunion, you might be impressed that our Attache, Oxford, and Valet luxury leather, executive collection will be with you at your 50th reunion; we know we are (long live the Oxford Comma).
Mrs. PQ
Kari
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